Fuck trying to be perfect.....

I like many people have a habit of beating my self up. Its amazing all of the negative thoughts we can muster against ourselves. Lately i've been trying to counteract the negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Also ive sat back and reflected on why I am so hard on my self. I am a high achiever. I have high goals set for my self and I hold my self to rediculously high standards. Ive told my self I need to stop doing this. I need to stop holding my self to this "SuperMan" standard. At my age I find it amazing Im continueing to grow. I guess that is a good thing but one kinda thinks that after you've passed 3 decades of existance on Earth you should be in a Swami/Guru all enlightned mind set,then again thats me with that extremely high bar set. I've heard Oprah say she really did'nt have a grip on it all untill she was 42. If thats the case I've got a few years to go before I reach enlightenment. The good thing about the way I push myself is that I keep striving and the work I do do is of high quality.The bad thing is the way I beat my self up when I fumble or fall. Its not that I make the same mistakes persay but lately I've fumbled in areas that I realy should have been more proactive in dealing with. I've fumbled in areas that I know better. Its a trip how life is. All we can do is keep struggling. Keep pushing & continue to grow. I guess if we are lucky we will never stop growing.

Why alotta bum niggaz get alotta pussy...

I remember when I was out of work and surviving on just my Rap income. Im not on a major label so shyt was hectic. I had rent,cable,lights and phone bills to pay. I hated dating sometimes because my money was funny and I couldn't do what I wanted to do on a date. "I Treats my self I doesn't cheats my self" Now I have two jobs not including my record company to run. I am mad bizzy. I was thinking about this and i tripped off the fact I was getting allot more pussy when i was broke. WTF? yeah right but its true. I thought long and hard about this and I came to several conclusions.

One:
There are alot of women out there that want to rescue & take care of a man. In essence the wish to feel needed and what kinda man needs you more than a broke bum.

Two:
Allot of women are insecure and a powerful brother with allot of things on the ball intimidates them. I would even go as far as to say they feel they don't deserve or couldn't possibly keep such a man.

Third(and far from the least):
WOMEN WANT,NEED & DEMAND TIME & ATTENTION!!! A bum cat can give a woman all the time and attention she desires. He'll watch the kids,drop you off and pick you up from work and of course fuck you when and where ever because hell,he aint got shyt else to do.

So you see allot of women who got shyt on the ball fucking with a handsome,hung,smooth talking bum. Im the first to be like "hey if that's the way a sista wants it cool". Men have played the role of "Suga Daddies" for the longest
Im just making an observation though. Because what I've noticed in the past is that at some point a woman wants a negro to get up off his ass & do something besides pound the pussy. If this is the case woman need to recognise that some of the attention they demand a "bout it bout it" brotha cant just give to them all the time. a sista needs to realise im not being disrespectful when I cant speak with you all day but call you at 10pm wanting to see you. Hey I've been bizzy working,I've just gotten off work and im thinking off you in the worst'est way(y'all know what I mean :))What im trying to say that women need to look at it from all angles. You really cant have your cake & eat it too. We hard working brothers work so hard to be able to do and have all the nice things women love & like to do. I know we hard working types need to take more time out for the women we love(and lawd knows im working on this)but recognize when the bum still hasn't gotten a job 8-months into the relationship your compensating time & attention in the place of financial stability or when the bum gets bizzy and soon doesn't have the time he use to have for you he's doing so as a labor of love. A love for you but more so a love for himself. See the Hugh could never be a bum ass niccauh. "Why?" Because I love me. Hell my downs have been ups for other types of dudes.Just peep game ladies and lets work together to stay together better(ya know?)

Why Blacks Dont TIP?

This is in responce to RK Byers take on the whole why Blacks dont tip phenomena...

Man RK is so faaaaarrr fuggin left feild its unbelievable. RK tried to get a little to deep,a little to analytical with is reasoning behind blacks not tipping. 1st of all I tip all of the time and I tip well. This is because I am aware of the stereotype that we do not tip. In my analysis the primary reasons many Black people do not tip are:
A.) Many Blacks are poor and or come from economically impoverished back grounds. White,Black,Brown,etc,Poor people don't tip.
B.) Many Blacks still have that "Whitey owes me something" attitude and this transfers over into the whole not- tipping phenom.
C.) This last reason ties into the 1st. Due to Blacks economical impoverishment culturally we have not been taught to tip and we look upon people in the service industry as simply doing their job. Why would you tip someone for doing their job? This is the logic.


RK Byers should be ashamed of even considering self hate has anything to do with the "Blacks not tipping" phenom. Im reading Byers take on this and Im like "wow" "really? Brother man is way off target on this one. What I will agree with is that Blacks on a whole need to learn the etiquette of tipping. Its the thing to do. When i receive bad service i do the same as Byers spoke of doing, I leave a obviously small tip in protest to the terrible service but I all ways tip.

Funy Style ass people...

I KNOW TOO MANY PEOPLE,DONT NEED TO KNOW ANY MORE & CAN STAND TO FORGET SOME...#Random There are Glass Mirrored panels in the lobby of the ICAN building I work in. I'll admit I have a habit of looking in them checking my self while I wait for the elavator. One day while doing this I looked in the reflection and saw the lady in the upstairs office making the ugliest face while watching me. Ever since I dont say anything to her. I mean the look on her face was UGLY. I just seen her in the hall way & she was all mugged up. Im like you funny style ass bitch,Why should I smile & say hello to some one who behind my back could twist they face up towards me like that. I could see her laffin or shakin her dayum head but that look was not cool,i survived the most treacherous shyt in OC projects by reading muthafuckaz & if somebody looked at me like that back in the day,id be all in they grill. Today i just ignore they ass. Like I said before,....I know too many people,dont need to know any more & can stand to forget sum.

On todays music n ebonics

This was a comment i posted on Face Book...i felt i was droppin' sum real shyt so i have reposted it here.

Man u gotta love Davey's timeline...i beleive in using ebonics to teach standard english. you gotta meet a kid where they are at just as one would use spanish to teach an immigrant latino english ("Happy Cinco De Mayo" by the way) Also languauge is constantly influx. This is even more so true today. What is slang or ebonics now may become accepted ... See Moreas standard english in the future-ie: paddywagon-formerly a insult used towards Irish Americans,currently the word for a police wagon. As for radio's play list I am a MC a MC who uses explicit vocab & my music is for adults. certain things should not be aired during primetime & early hours..it just should'nt

Poem:
1000 loves

My mind races...
a 1000 loves flooding through my mental gates.
My hart flutering,pounding as it did so long ago...
In my old age & wisdom i know enuff to be happy
I know enuff to be happy for simlply feeling this sensation
This jolt of elation
this giddy burst of infatuation..
1000 loves race through my mind and i stand perplexed
how could she still move me in such a way
I smile and look skyward as if to mutter a prayer but the words"it is'nt fair" fall from my lips
"It is'nt fair" that i should be stirred after so long
but this is a utterance in vain I know
for love is rarely fair
matters of the hart never rational
Love is a force of nature...
it strikes as quickly a lighting
causes the hart to pound as loudly as thunder
and can dissapear just as quickly as the storms flash
the gods aflect me with these thorns of passion
my eyes water as if to weep
my sighs are heavy..like the heaving of the ocean tide.
how can such a wonderous feeling be so bitter sweet? Read more: http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=33578160&blogId=533668924#ixzz0mgGePYSG

Rest In Peace Serene Matriarch

Out of the blue today I got a call from my son. A call that i feel his mother should have made. On December the 14th my son lost the 2nd matriarch in his life. Im at work as I write this. I can feel my self projecting the somber mood I am feeling. I am saddened on several levels. One is that i will miss that witty lady. She was an African American that spoke with the most proper diction. The 2nd is that my son must endure yet another lost of a positive female in his life. His mother is lacking in so many areas. Evidence of this is the fact she had my 16 year old son call to tell me that "her" mother died. The 3rd is that i feel she instructed him to lie to me about the funeral. He told me that their would be no service. Either this is a lie or its is yet another example of the emotional shallowness she possesses. I wouldn't care if my mother requested that their would be no service i would do so not only to honor her memory but to allow her loved ones to pay their respects and process their own pain. In my ex-mother in laws death old feelings are dredged up. I feel I have abandoned my son to be raised by a she-wolf. How can I correct or make amends for this? Life is chaotic. I had spoken to my sons grandmother a few weeks ago. We found common ground in discussing her daughters numerous faults. Not to be petty but it felt good to have someone such as she validate much of what i have for so long. I can chuckle a little in reminisce of that conversation. In memory of Stephanie Goerhig I have written this short poem:


Your stature was petite
yet when speaking all heard your tall intellect
I know you and your daughter warred on much
and there was much cruelty in your dealings with each other.
I loved and respected you none the less
I remember you teaching me skilled games of chance
you taught me how to bluff and when to throw my chips all in
I now imagine you and my mother in the same celestial state
in divine wisdom watching over us all.
my hart is weak with sadness
my brow heavy with grief
You will be missed my lady
you will be missed
Rest in Peace my Serene Matriarch