Rest In Peace Serene Matriarch

Out of the blue today I got a call from my son. A call that i feel his mother should have made. On December the 14th my son lost the 2nd matriarch in his life. Im at work as I write this. I can feel my self projecting the somber mood I am feeling. I am saddened on several levels. One is that i will miss that witty lady. She was an African American that spoke with the most proper diction. The 2nd is that my son must endure yet another lost of a positive female in his life. His mother is lacking in so many areas. Evidence of this is the fact she had my 16 year old son call to tell me that "her" mother died. The 3rd is that i feel she instructed him to lie to me about the funeral. He told me that their would be no service. Either this is a lie or its is yet another example of the emotional shallowness she possesses. I wouldn't care if my mother requested that their would be no service i would do so not only to honor her memory but to allow her loved ones to pay their respects and process their own pain. In my ex-mother in laws death old feelings are dredged up. I feel I have abandoned my son to be raised by a she-wolf. How can I correct or make amends for this? Life is chaotic. I had spoken to my sons grandmother a few weeks ago. We found common ground in discussing her daughters numerous faults. Not to be petty but it felt good to have someone such as she validate much of what i have for so long. I can chuckle a little in reminisce of that conversation. In memory of Stephanie Goerhig I have written this short poem:


Your stature was petite
yet when speaking all heard your tall intellect
I know you and your daughter warred on much
and there was much cruelty in your dealings with each other.
I loved and respected you none the less
I remember you teaching me skilled games of chance
you taught me how to bluff and when to throw my chips all in
I now imagine you and my mother in the same celestial state
in divine wisdom watching over us all.
my hart is weak with sadness
my brow heavy with grief
You will be missed my lady
you will be missed
Rest in Peace my Serene Matriarch

Life In The Game-Rico Brandi

Man I normally blog via MySpace but recently my homie Judah Irie (whom I've allwayz called by his personal nick name to me-General Leslie (pronounced as if spoken in Spanish) sent me a text with the web site http://www.ricobrandi.com/ . Rico is a old friend of mine. Rapper,Playa and a Pimp, Rico achieved in the game what is the equivalent of a MA and or Doctorate in the square world. Sadly my folkz was shot and paralyzed several weeks ago. Reading his blogs is what has prompted me to start my own. So I can follow his progress and give him what support I can. Unfortunately I have not been able to visit him. I've dealt the situation where the homie has been shot and the police will only allow family to visit and even know their location in the hospital. They put you under a pseudonym that only the family knows. That's cool I more than understand this. I hope the homie recovers quickly and regains his ability to walk. I've supported two homies thru rehab. The homie Marvelous who now walks well hindered only by a slight "playa's" limp and the homie Falo who is still combined to his chair. Perhaps Falo's injuries where to great but I also believe he could have gone much harder during his rehab phase. Go hard Rico Go Hard. The Game is a muthafucka. Especially now today. There is no more honor amongst thieves. The underworld is in chaos and snitches abound. Trust me if the Game was the same as it was in the mid 80's to early 90's i'd still be in it. Deep than a muthafugga. The shyt that happened to Rico is proof of this. Things are hard in Cali...niggaz is hungry and the scandalous reign supreme. I've seen to many real niggaz at war with each other or get taken out by suckaz. Yeah man them suckaz is deep. They walk talk and look like you and me but their actions expose them as less than solid individuals. At this tyme in my life im up against it financially. The streets are calling me every day but I let things such as Rico's tragedy,the homie Tab Doe's getting wrapped up and the former homie Pook (and im talkin about the Pook from down the way-he nolonger considered from the Jectz and never was a OCP memeber))turning snitch and sending alot of my real homies to the feds for long bids act as a warning to me. I'ma stay pushing this Hip-Hop and serving my community like I've been doing for the past 10 years. Like I said the Game is a mutha fucka......get well soon Rico