Out of the blue today I got a call from my son. A call that i feel his mother should have made. On December the 14th my son lost the 2nd matriarch in his life. Im at work as I write this. I can feel my self projecting the somber mood I am feeling. I am saddened on several levels. One is that i will miss that witty lady. She was an African American that spoke with the most proper diction. The 2nd is that my son must endure yet another lost of a positive female in his life. His mother is lacking in so many areas. Evidence of this is the fact she had my 16 year old son call to tell me that "her" mother died. The 3rd is that i feel she instructed him to lie to me about the funeral. He told me that their would be no service. Either this is a lie or its is yet another example of the emotional shallowness she possesses. I wouldn't care if my mother requested that their would be no service i would do so not only to honor her memory but to allow her loved ones to pay their respects and process their own pain. In my ex-mother in laws death old feelings are dredged up. I feel I have abandoned my son to be raised by a she-wolf. How can I correct or make amends for this? Life is chaotic. I had spoken to my sons grandmother a few weeks ago. We found common ground in discussing her daughters numerous faults. Not to be petty but it felt good to have someone such as she validate much of what i have for so long. I can chuckle a little in reminisce of that conversation. In memory of Stephanie Goerhig I have written this short poem:
Your stature was petite
yet when speaking all heard your tall intellect
I know you and your daughter warred on much
and there was much cruelty in your dealings with each other.
I loved and respected you none the less
I remember you teaching me skilled games of chance
you taught me how to bluff and when to throw my chips all in
I now imagine you and my mother in the same celestial state
in divine wisdom watching over us all.
my hart is weak with sadness
my brow heavy with grief
You will be missed my lady
you will be missed
Rest in Peace my Serene Matriarch